Witty in the City

True Stories: Jobs I Knew I Wouldn’t Get

Posted on February 23, 2013 by Witty

I accidentally applied to work on John McCain’s presidential primary campaign. The job posting did not disclose which campaign the position was with, and I only found out when the campaign called me to schedule an interview. Awkward!! The interview went very well…until the last question. Interviewer: “Would you vote for the Senator?” Me: “Well, I’m not a registered Republican, but he wouldn’t be my first choice.”

I did not get the job.

***

I had an interview for a summer position at a large, Philadelphia law firm. I was having a really nice conversation with the interviewer, and I thought things were going great. Until…she suggested I pursue a career as a news anchor. Flattering? Yes. Encouraging for my job prospect as an attorney? No.

***

One of my earliest interviews was with the Library of Congress to plan a cross-country celebration of Abraham Lincoln (totally absurd). The interviewer casually mentioned that his nephew was also interested in the job.

I was not hired (thank heavens).

***

I got an interview to work in the Postal Service’s legal department. I asked the interviewer what specific duties the job would entail. Her answer: “I’m not sure. It depends what division you’d be in, and we don’t have any open positions right now.”

Seriously?

***

Please tell me that I’m not the only person with a surprising number of these stories. What amusing experiences have you had?

Stella and Parker: Rumble Cousins

Posted on February 18, 2013 by Witty

Meet Parker, Stella’s rambunctious new cousin. They met for the first time and really hit it off. They ran, wrestled, chewed on toys, and chewed on each other. Although Stella enforced a lot of rules, she knew when to roll over and let Parker have his way with her.

Stella usually wolfs down her food when other dogs have access to it, but not with Parker. She let him help himself, even if she did look at me with pleading eyes.

Warning: these pictures contain a lot of sharp teeth and may look vicious, but Stella and Parker were having a great time. No puppies were harmed in the making of this blog post.

Parker is a very talented jumper, and he kept hopping up in Stella’s face and biting at her ears. The two of them were complete nibblers. Parker chewed on Stella’s cheeks, ankles, and elbows. Stella kept rolling Parker around and snapping her teeth at him.

Every time Stella stood up, Parker squeezed his little body underneath hers, and it looked like she had two tails. Even when they weren’t playing, Parker liked to walk underneath Stella’s belly like he was traversing an underpass.

Parker’s presence made Stella really happy. She hadn’t been feeling great because, earlier in the morning, she licked my dad’s head and then immediately threw up. My dad laid down with her again a few hours later, and the same thing happened! Parker’s sharp little teeth and unending energy were the perfect antidote.

Parker followed Stella around everywhere she went. She really liked her new shadow, even though he tugged on her tail every now and again.

After all that tussling, they settled in to enjoy one of Stella’s favorite hobbies: chewing on bones! Parker wasn’t much of a chewer before he met Stella, but now he loves it so much that I caught him gnawing on my mom’s kitchen chair. And as the ultimate gesture of peace, Parker is chewing on Stella’s bone, and she is using his! True love.

Natural Intrigue in the BVI

Posted on February 16, 2013 by Witty

I made some really cool discoveries that I’ve been meaning to tell you about. Apparently, the British Virgin Islands are very hospitable to one variety of populous cactus, even though it rains every single day. These particular cacti were my favorite, jutting off the top of the mountain to catch golden rays of sunset on their spines.

But forget the cactus, the real show stopper was this POMEGRANATE BUSH! I could not believe my eyes, really I could not. I have never seen actual pomegranates growing before! The pomegranates were still relatively small and unripe, but I would have loved to have picked one. I once grew pomegranate seeds in my apartment, and they did really well until Stella’s great rage of 2010 crushed them to death. Seeing this bush inspired me to give it another go, although I doubt a bush grown from seeds would fruit.

Another unexpected specimen living on the BVIs is wild hermit crabs. The crabs are so prolific that I had to watch my step for fear of crushing one. I had no idea that hermit crabs live naturally outside the confines of plastic containers on the Jersey boardwalk. These hermit crabs were much more active than the ones my sisters and I kept as pets. I have a likely-abnormal number of hermit crab stories I could share with you, so I’ll reveal one of the best.

My youngest sister was away at her first sleepover party, and me and my other sister were at home with our babysitter. We realized that our sister’s hermit crab, which had been the longest living, died. It was limp and lifeless, and its legs started falling off. We took the hermit crab to the backyard and buried it. While we were out there, we failed to hear the phone ringing- my sister threw up at her sleepover and needed to come home. She eventually walked in the door with our neighbor who had gone to get her. Let’s just say that it wasn’t her best day, and she is still complaining that we buried her crab without her.

I saw a large caterpillar on the island too. I don’t have any caterpillar stories, but I do have one about a corn worm. The end.

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